How to Cater to Your Partner's Love Languages
A while ago, I wrote about the five Love Languages - what they are and how to find out yours. I got some great feedback from people who had never heard of this and were surprised by their results, so I thought I would do a bit of a follow-up. After all, it’s all very well knowing what your partner’s Love Languages are, but do you know how best to cater to them?
Acts of Service
This is my number one Love Language, and Steven is pretty great at using this, and so I’ have plenty of ideas and suggestions of how you can make it work for you. One thing Steven does that tells me he loves me, is filling up the car with petrol before I use it. I hate getting petrol - I’m not sure why, but the whole act makes me a little anxious and wary, so on mornings when I am due to drive to work, he will pop down the road and fill up the car for me. It saves me around 10 minutes and a whole lot of stress! He will also fill up my water bottle most mornings (especially since I got pregnant and he worries about my hydration!), but there are so many things you can do to show your partner love using this particular language. Now, I’m not talking about doing housework and then expecting praise - if you live in the house, you should be doing your share too, as standard. It’s things that will help your partner directly. Perhaps you could make them lunch, or even just put their work things in a pile for them to help make it easier for them to leave the house in the morning. If there are errands that you know they need to do, such as sending a package or exchanging some jeans, see if you can do those. They may seem like little things but to someone who values Acts of Service, they can be a big deal!
Words of Affirmation
This is my second and I think it comes as no surprise to anyone who knows me - I am super soppy. If someone sends me a nice message, it will immediately be screenshot and I will read it regularly. An important thing to remember here is that words don’t just have to be spoken. Sure, telling your partner you love them, and why is the easiest way to show love in this form, but there are other ways too. Sneak a note into their bag wishing them a good day, or text them quotes or lyrics you find that you love. Even if you don't use social media a lot (in fact, especially if you don’t), post a picture of them and a little sentence or too about how much you love and value them. It might seem soppy to you, but to your partner it will mean the world.
This is Steven’s number one and finding this out has improved our lives ten-fold. While I love to cuddle on the sofa, both on our phones or laptops, Steven is more about the quality of the time we spend together, AKA when I put my phone away and give him proper attention. It’s something as simple as that that will make your partner feel the love if this is their language. Surprise dates are a great idea, but they don’t have to be whisking you both off to Paris (although I am not adverse to that at all!), you could set up a blanket fort and snacks for when they get home and watch your favourite film together. A picnic is always lush (in the right weather… and without any ant invaders!), or even just a sunset walk. Focus on talking, like you did when you first got together, and wanted to know everything about one another, rather than taking the perfect Boomerang Shot of you clinking glasses or something. Even if this isn’t your love language, you will probably enjoy the quality time too!
This is Steven’s second and I have to clarify, touch doesn’t always have to mean full on sexy time! Take now for instance, we are sat on the train, both of us on our laptops but our arms are touching and every now and then I’ll rest my head on Steven’s shoulder - a little reminder that we love each other. He also likes to hold my hand when we are walking, and although we are not quite the type of couple who will start furiously making out in public, he will kiss my head absentmindedly at random intervals or I’ll sit with my feet in his lap when we’re watching a film. This is an easy one to do, stroke your partner’s hair (who doesn’t love that?!) or hold their hand under the table - whenever the mood strikes you, as long as it’s appropriate, go ahead! /
I always worry that this one makes people worry that they are materialistic but that doesn’t have to be the case. Sure, big, lavish or expensive gifts are pretty great, but for someone with this love language, it is usually more about the thought than the item itself. Small, sentimental things mean the most, and the idea of “I saw this and thought of you” will set their heart soaring. If you’re not super flush but you want to show some love, pop into charity shops and grab a book you think they will like, grab a bar of chocolate they love from the shop or pick up a heart-shaped pebble from the beach. Although we’d all love theatre tickets/diamond earrings/a new car, that’s not sustainable, so remember that you can show love in this way without breaking the bank!
Phew! This was little longer than I had planned, but I think I covered some good stuff! It’s important to remember that you should never do anything that makes you feel unhappy or uncomfortable in a relationship and although some of these things might feel a little unnatural to you, or take some getting used to they shouldn’t be at the expense of your own happiness.
Let me know in the comments if you have any top tips on how to cater to your partner’s love languages and if you try any of these, let me know how you find them!